How to Become a Better Man (7 of 12)
My girlfriend (Juice) turned 30 last weekend.
We stayed up with her best friends until 3AM like we were 21 again.
At around midnight, we were holding each other, having an intimate moment in the kitchen.
She looked up at me and said, “I feel far away from you, and I wish you were closer.”
“I feel far away from me too,” I said.
Without hesitation, she said, “It feels like you’ve lost your magic.”
I took a deep breath and relaxed my shoulders.
She was partially right.
Over the past two weeks, I’ve felt numb.
Over the past three months, I’ve felt so task oriented that I don’t dance in the kitchen like I usually do.
The magic she’s referring to is a playful presence that I carry when I’m feeling alive.
My jokes, dancing, and unashamed presence.
The version of me who will set his camera up in the middle of 17th St. downtown, dance in front of Union Station, and feel excitement instead of anxiety.
My magic disappears when I get overly stressed, lost in life, and don’t prioritize the basics. My safety net is working 14 hour days, 6x per week to feel like I’m getting closer to a financially free life.
If you’re a man who’s lost his magic, here are 3 major tips to get it back.
This letter is as much for you as it is for me.
Prioritize the Basics
Andrew Huberman says there are 5 basic pillars of health. I’m convinced that if 90% of Americans integrated these 5 things into their daily lives, pharmaceutical companies would go out of business.
1) Sleep
20% of Americans get less than 5 hours of sleep per night.
2) Sunlight
10 minutes before 10AM.
3) Movement
Controversial Take: If you’re out of shape and struggle walking up stairs, you shouldn’t feel good about your body. Your body is the only one you get, and it’s your ultimate home for this life.
A consistent habit of simple movement for 20 minutes will fundamentally change your life.
4) Nutrients
A jet gets jet fuel. Not unleaded from 7/11.
5) Relationships
Blue Zone Regions (where a surprising amount of people live over 100 years old) found that social life was a major catalyst for healthy living.
Focusing on the basics forces me to detach my eyeballs from my laptop and fill my energy cup. My magic comes from my energy.
Deep Focus
As an entrepreneur there’s literally always something I could be doing to improve my offerings and business.
But, I’m not a machine. I’m human.
Working 16 hours per day, then sleeping 8, doesn’t work. Ever.
Deep focus is exactly what it sounds like.
Put your phone in the other room, tell your partner you’re unavailable, and leave the snacks in the kitchen.
Sit down, set a time for 30-90 minutes and focus on 1 task. No multi-tasking or questioning about what you’re working on. Do that later.
Tip: Force yourself to do this for 5 minutes, then see how you feel. Starting is the hardest part, but soon you’ll be locked into a flow state and you won’t have to force it anymore.
Deep focus blocks allow me to clear the cache from my brain. After I exit deep focus, I can transition fully.
I lose my magic when I’m physically with you, but my brain is in 10 different places.
Remind Yourself About Death
As a human, your soul made 2 guaranteed agreements:
1) Be born
2) Die
Death is a scary thing. It’s also the ultimate check.
If you’re rushing… What for? Are you trying to die faster?
If you’re afraid of taking the risk… Why? You’re going to die anyways.
If you’ve lost your magic it’s probably because you’re being impatient, operating out of fear, or are afraid of judgment.
All 3 of those can be checked with the presence of death.
Sending you love and magic this week!
– Ryan
