How to Become a Better Man (8 of 12)
Speaking your truth is hard. Acting in your truth is even harder.
Three years ago, I called my mom to tell her I was flying to Ukraine right when the war started. Her reply was, “I hope you have enough money for your funeral. I can’t afford that.”
Spicy. But fair.
My mom doesn’t hold back.
I’d rather go–and not make it back, than ignore the whisper inside my spirit. It’s like a quiet drumbeat only I can hear.
My truth.
You have that voice inside you too.
You hear it all the time.
But, do you listen?
A few weeks ago, I hosted my first men’s retreat in Colorado—a three-day experience that kicked off a 12-week men’s group.
These men chose to listen to their whisper and show up for themselves, their growth, and their families.
Here are 5 lessons the weekend taught me about men:
1. Play is work
Us dudes are like German Shepherds. We need to be worked. We need mission and challenge.
But, we also use work as an excuse to avoid play.
At the retreat we danced for 90 minutes like mischievous boys—pure footloose frenzy, with less coordination.
Here’s the playlist we danced to for reference.
For some men, this was the most confronting aspect of the weekend.
2. Integration is king
Self-development addiction:
→ Read another book
→ Buy another course
→ Do more mushrooms
→ Go on another retreat
→ Beg for another mentor
But, never integrate the last one.
You picked up the book, bought the course, and went to the retreat to be different. Not just to feel different.
Before you pick up the next one, take the time to apply what you learned.
That’s why we have 12-weeks together after the retreat.
The weekend was a foundation instead of an escape.
3. Cutting the noise is crucial
They all want your attention:
→ Instagram, Tik Tok, email
→ Friends, partner, kids
→ Employees, boss, slack
Connection is surface level when you’re distracted. That’s why I love immersive experiences.
Getting out to the mountains was half the battle. Once we arrived and committed, the rest was just letting time do its thing.
4. Shame is a core wound
Shame is the deep hurt men carry around in secret.
Men hold onto their shame because they’re afraid.
Men fear letting go of shame because they think they’ll lose important things: family trust, financial stability—even their sense of self.
But when you open up and share from the heart, you usually gain more trust, find more truth, and feel more joy.
5. Men are disconnected from their diaphragm to their balls
It’s a no-man’s-land of ignored feelings and bellybutton lint.
Before I was 27, the only time I spent between my diaphragm and balls was shaving, doing Russian twists to work on my abs, and having penetration focused sex.
Then I got body work on my intestines—basically a specialized stomach massage—and realized just how vulnerable and powerful that space can be.
But, I wanted to know if I could do emotional work through massage.
Could my body talk to me?
My body screamed back like a beer vendor at a baseball game.
“Yes!! Yes, you can. Yes I can.”
I’ve cried tears, had visions, and made deep realizations on the body work table.
Plus, sex has become an entirely new experience going into my 30’s.
I don’t want this point to take over the entire letter, but here are a few images of what each Chakra is focused on through no-man’s-land.
They might just blow your mind, or your midsection.
Here’s one of my favorite body workers in Denver if you’re interested in hearing from your body.
In 2025 I hope you listen to your whisper, speak more of your truth, and act in it.
Much love,
Ryan
